"It Never Occurred To Me That One Day I'd Wake Up Sick And Never Get Better"

I am a Spoonie.

I have a Chronic Illness.

I have a rare AutoImmune Disease.

I am scared.

I am in pain.

I stumble.

I cry.

I am young.

I am brave.

I stand back up. 

I am stronger than my sickness.

Hi.

My name is Sadie. 

I was diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (MCTD) when I was 20 yrs old. I am almost 23 now, and since then the disease has definitely gotten worse. I wake up every morning with different pains- I literally stumble and fall and drop things. I can no longer click a pen, close my hand around the pen to write, turn a key into a lock with one hand, open most water bottles, open a soup can, walk up the stairs downtown without stopping halfway to breathe, climb a ladder, easily get dressed, lift more than 25lbs.. 

but I can,

try anyway. 

I still try to do everything I used to even though my body keeps telling me I can't. I still smile. I still laugh. I have been humbled a bit because I now have to admit I need help. I have to admit I can't do things and ask for assistance. I've learned that there's nothing wrong with that, and none of this is my fault. There is nothing to be ashamed of. And, people are a lot more accepting than I thought they would be. 

I believe that things will get better and doctors will find a cure. 

Spoonie: (The spoon theory) is a disability metaphor used to explain the reduced amount of energy available for activities of daily living and productive tasks that may result from disability or chronic illness. Spoons are an intangible unit of measurement used to track how much energy a person has throughout a given day. 

Chronic Illness: Chronic diseases generally cannot be prevented by vaccines or cured by medication, nor do they just disappear.

Autoimmune Disease: An autoimmune disease develops when your immune system, which defends your body against disease, decides your healthy cells are foreign. As a result, your immune system attacks healthy cells. Depending on the type, an autoimmune disease can affect one or many different types of body tissue.
MCTD: Mixed connective tissue disease is a term used by some doctors to describe a disorder characterized by features of systemic lupus erythematosus, systemic sclerosis, and polymyositis. Raynaud phenomenon, joint pains, various skin abnormalities, muscle weakness, and problems with internal organs can develop.